The extensive viewer's guide to The Room.

On love, spoons and other things.

If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.

The hardest thing about writing an introduction is motivating why it is necessary. I mean, you just stumbled upon a website dedicated to ‘The Room’. Surely this isn’t a coincidence? Why in God’s name would you search for ‘Room Viewing Guide’, if not on purpose?

And yet, here it is. A full-blown introduction, meant to welcome you to this little project. The authors behind this site are dedicated roomies, eager to spread the film’s ‘message’ to as much people as possible. Most of you may be wondering ‘why the hell would you put that much effort into this? Isn’t ‘The Room’ just something you make fun of?’ Well, yes, and no. The entire idea behind the viewer’s guide is to maximise your enjoyment of the film. But, on another level, there is a deeper discussion to be found here. The fact that ‘The Room’ has the ‘official’ status of ‘Worst Film Ever Made’, doesn’t account for its success in the Midnight Film Circuit. Actually, we can argue that there are worse films out there. Say what you like, at least ‘The Room’ is consistently bad, which paradoxically makes it more watchable than many ‘average’ films.

Part of its appeal derives from its enigma. There’s a substantial amount of scholarship done around the phenomenon of ‘cult film’. Why does one film gather a large cult audience when other films fade into obscurity? The answer is: we don’t really know. When we look at different cult films, we can only conclude that it is the audience that decides what is cult and what is not. But there are some striking similarities. When we take two big 20th-century cult hits, like ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’, or ‘The Big Lebowski’, what are the similarities? They are both very quotable for one. But these are films people can relate to, and that are deeply embedded in their time of origin. Passion sticks, and it survives through age.

But how can we compare ‘The Room’ to these two classics? Well, possibly for that same reason. Passion sticks. The film continues to fascinate viewers, not for its badness, but for its passion. Even if this passion is, to put it mildly, ‘misplaced.’ Take a look at the facts: the film played for two weeks, grossing only 1900 dollars, which makes it the biggest flop in box office history. It was shot on a budget of six million dollars, with photography taking up an entire 6 months. There were 400 crew members, on two units, along with cast members, who were constantly replaced. This is fairly unique in B-cinema, which is usually associated with poor production values. Of course, that money didn’t exactly show up on the screen. The film’s story originated as a play, became a 500-page book, which Wiseau then adapted into a screenplay. No one knows how Wiseau managed to scrape all that money together. There are some interviews with Wiseau where he talks about importing leather jackets, but this hasn’t been confirmed yet. Likewise, Greg Sestero, playing Mark in the film, shows us only a tip of the iceberg in his autobiographical ‘The Disaster Artist.’ For every mystery solved, a dozen more pop up.

Passion sticks, and the same goes for its large fansbase. All over the world, Room-screenings are held and celebrated. If not for these people, the film would have died. The original roomie is, of course, Michael Rousselet: a screenwriter, who started gathering groups of friends to attend the film upon its initial release. Laying the foundation for many of its later traditions, which became AVClub’s Viewer’s Guide, which we used as an inspiration for this website. As of today, fans keep attending screenings and expanding upon its myth. Back in 2008, ‘The Room’ was named ‘the greatest cult film of the decade.’ At this rate, it could as well become the greatest cult film of the century.

Why spoons? Well, film scholar Ernest Mathijs, head of the Centre for Cinema Studies, introduced a successful screening in Brussels. He postulated that a plastic spoon is a symbol for waste and uselessness. Something that you use once and never use again. If we ask ourselves the question: ‘why would we revisit waste?’ there’s perhaps a lesson to be learned.

To conclude, we would like to say that this viewer’s guide, in no possible way, is a definite description of what a Room-screening should be. ‘The Room’ is not something you experience in a predestined way, ticking of checklists, throwing around footballs because you have to. A screening is at its best a place of experimentation. Every single quote or action is capable to invoke imitation or laughter. You shouldn’t narrow yourself down to a set of rules. But of course, having a few good ideas in mind before entering the theatre wouldn’t hurt. We didn’t even scratch the surface about what ‘The Room’ has to offer. In its own little idiosyncratic world, it might as well be the best film ever made. There is a reason why most film buffs saw ‘The Room’ more than Citizen Kane. It is a celebration of film. Even if it’s not the type of work you would consider ‘grand art’, you should be grateful for it.

Just keep throwing those spoons.

The authors.

Cheers and yells

Leave your *stupid* comments in your pocket!

Attending a Room-screening, or hosting one with your friends, is supposed to be fun. Cheering is part of the game. You can cheer, applaud, whistle or yell things during certain moments in the film.

Wiseau!

The most obvious ones are in the opening credits. You cheer when you read ‘Tommy Wiseau’ (which is about 10 times in the opening credits, since the guy did pretty much everything), and you go full rampage when ‘THE ROOM’-title appears in all its glory. It is only appropriate that we thank the film’s director for the existence of this masterpiece.

Flower shop

When the flower shop-scene starts, which perfectly captures the entire spirit of the film, cheer at the start, applaud in the end.

Spoon!

If you ever find yourself thinking: ‘100 spoons should be enough for one film,’ don’t kid yourself. Bring as much plastic spoons as you can. Every time you spot the spoon-featured artwork in the background, hurl as much spoons at the screen as you can. The closer you are to the screen, the more extra spoons you will receive from the people in the back.

The old Viewer’s Guide mentioned that you can just throw spoons out of boredom. This is not generally appreciated. Keep your spoons for when it counts. If, for some reason, you find yourself with an overabundance of spoons after the film is finished, use them during the end credits to accompany the audience’s cheering.

Oh hai Doggy!

This is by far one of the most iconic and quoted lines in the film. Everyone will yell it off the top of their lungs, so go along with it. Look for it in the flower shop-scene. You will notice it when everyone starts cheering for no reason.

You are tearing me apart, Lisa!

‘Oh hai Doggy’ is the most iconic line for the fans, but ‘You are tearing me apart, Lisa’ is the most famous line in its own right. If you don’t know where it is: if the entire audience starts to get uneasy, arms by their side like they’re waiting for a football team to score a point, you know it’s coming. After the line-delivery, it is appropriate to cheer.

Oh hai character!!

For some reason, the film always shows characters leaving and entering a scene. Every.single.time. While this is something that can get you expelled from film school, it is also a great thing to make fun of. Every time a character enters, give him/her a proper greeting.

Goodbye character!

Likewise, when a character leaves the frame, say goodbye to him. If you want to check up on the knowledge of your fellow roomies, try saying goodbye to each of the characters when they go outside during the party scene.

Focus! Unfocus!!

Every time a shot’s blurry, shout “FOCUS!” However, some of the ‘erotic’ scenes (yeah, I just used the word ‘erotic’ to describe the sex scenes) could use a bit less focus. Yell “UNFOCUS!”

Because you’re a woman!

You owe it to your female friends to subvert the film’s misogyny into something funny. Every time a woman is portrayed as a heartless, manipulative, good-for-nothing- non-autonomous bitch, shout ‘Because you’re a woman!’

Meanwhile in San Francisco!

There a LOT of establishing shots in this film. When you see one, remind the audience that this is San Francisco. However, don’t overdo it. Closer to the ending, the establishing shots become so overabundant that constantly saying the line becomes a drag.

Go! Go! Go! Go!

There are a couple of tracking shots featuring the San Francisco Bridge. (this is obviously a metaphor for the connection and break-up between human beings, right?) You can cheer the camera on while panning. Celebrate/cheer when the camera makes it to the end, express your disappointment when it doesn’t.

It’s a metaphor!

Some of the shots in the film are explicitly metaphorical. Denny eating an apple at the start of the film might be interpreted as giving into temptation. (I don’t know either, I’m just making stuff up) When this happens, shout “It’s a metaphor.” You know, to make sure there aren’t any misunderstandings. This can also be used when the rain drips over the windows during some of the more explicit scenes. Or when Johnny destroys the mirror.

Cheep cheep cheep

When Wiseau imitates a chicken (this happens about three times in the film), produce the CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP-sound as loud as you can, while performing your best chicken-imitation.

Who the fuck are you?

A lot of characters just appear for no reason. You don’t know who they are or where they come from. You also shouldn’t care. Whenever this happens, shout “who the fuck are you?” When Peter is replaced by another actor, who doesn’t resemble Peter AT ALL, you can also deliver this line. From our experience, most of the audience doesn’t even realize that it’s the same Peter.

HAHAHAHA

Johnny has a weird way of laughing. It is the perfect ringtone, and a screening is the perfect occasion to make fun of it.

Wow wow wow

When Mark tries to throw Peter off the roof, start yelling in panic due to the intensity of this scene. When it’s over, you can say things like “wow, that was intense.”

Are you okay?

When Peter trips while playing football, express your concerns for that nasty fall.

No no NOOOOOOOOO

After the first sex scene has ended, you will have the opportunity to gaze upon Tommy Wiseau’s ass. When the big reveal happens, and in the seconds preceding it, yell as scared and grossed out as you can.

Anyway, how’s your sex-life?

At this point, the newbies in the audience will be totally lost, and at this point, they’ll be too afraid to ask. This is the most awkward quote in the film. It happens in the hot chocolate-scene (you know, after having to sit through half of San Francisco ordering stuff). Say it as casually as possible.

Mission Impossible

When Johnny starts tapping the phone, start humming the Mission Impossible-theme. This sometimes poses issues, as it is unclear where to start humming. It starts when he hooks the recorder up, not when he pulls it out of his pocket. (because, you know, that’s where you keep tape recorders.)

Celebrate Johnny’s birthday

When Johnny stumbles upon his surprise party, join the cast as they yell ‘SURPRISE.’ Of course, it is customary to sing Happy Birthday for him.

Activities

I have to go see Michelle in a little bit to make out with her.

Filmgoing is a static experience, right? Not so when attending a Room-screening. Here are a few things you can do to get your blood flowing.

Playing football

A lot of scenes feature characters playing football. When this happens, just do the same with your friends. Position yourself strategically in the theatre, or just stand up and throw from the sides. Just make sure not to hit the screen. Or, to a lesser extent, other people.

Reenactment

If you want to take your Room-love to a new level, you can dress up and act out different scenes next to the screen for audiences to enjoy. The most popular one is “Denny VS Chris R.” But feel free to experiment.

Pillow fight!

You can bring a small pillow to smack your friends at the appropriate moments in the film. Also, if you’ve managed to bring a friend that doesn’t like the film, you can use it to punch him when he falls asleep.

Break time

A Room-screening is fun, but also exhausting. If you’re in need for a break, use the last sex scene featuring Mark and Lisa. This is the longest and most uneventful scene in the entire film. So if you want to empty your bladder before the film’s last part, or take a quick puff of a cigarette, now’s the time. When attending larger screenings, expect long waiting lines at the toilet.

Sit on the floor

When Denny suddenly sits on the floor, you can do the same, for as long as you like. Just make sure not to miss anything important.

Mourning

Spoiler alert: Johnny dies in the end. When he’s lying on the floor with the other characters, get up from your seat and stand next to the screen, to stand alongside the characters. Express your heartfelt sorrow for Johnny’s death. Especially during Denny’s monologue. I’ve seen people cheering after the gunshot, don’t do this. The scene requires something different.

Sing-along

The candles, the music, the sexy dress. I mean, what's going on here?

There are two songs that are great to sing along to. They accompany the film’s first two sex scenes. Learn the lyrics, bring a lighter, and go full Titanic-mode when it starts. If you can’t use a lighter, use a cell phone.

If you want, you can keep delivering comments during the scenes itself. Especially when Johnny tries to penetrate Lisa’s belly button.

First scene: I Will – Jarah Gibson

I can't explain, why I feel this way about you.
It'd be a shame, living in this world without you.
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
You are my fantasy dream come true. (oooooh)

When I see your face, it stirs up my emotions.
Your style and grace, it inspires my devotion.
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you,
you are my fantasy dream come true. (oooooh)

I will stand in the way of a bullet.
I will wander a forest of flames.
I will climb the highest of mountains.
Just to show you I love you, I will.

I will stand in the way of a bullet.
I will wander a forest of flames.
I will climb the highest of mountains.
Just to show you I love you, I will.

I will, I will.
I will, I will.
I will, I will.
I will, I will.
I will, I will.
I will, I will.
I will, I will.
I will, I will.

I will stand in the way of a bullet.
I will wander a forest of flames.
I will climb the highest of mountains.
Just to show you I love you, I will.

(repeat until fade out)

Second scene: You’re my rose – Kitra Wiliams

Your touch, put a fire out of me.
Your touch, like a wind crashing on the sea.
Your kiss, as gentle as a summer breeze.
Your love is what I need to set me free.
A rose ... is what ... you are .. to me.
Your smell ... a wan...derzone ... so sweet.
You are ... a rose ... to me. (a cappella)
You are ... a rose ... baby.

You are my rose.
You are my rose.
You are my rose.
...

(repeat until fade out)